The Worst Part About Rereading Old Journals

One of the most insightful journal entries I’ve made in a long time came almost three years ago, around September 2003…

A lot of the issues I had Monday were directly related to consuming too much caffeine. So I made a resolution Tuesday (unwritten thus far) to eliminate coffee from my life and go to tea. If brewed properly, tea is not nearly as caffeinated as coffee, especially the coffee at work which I believe has been spiked with something dangerous. It just makes me loopy, so no more. I decided that since I was on this and since Paige had so many good things to say about Atkins, I decided to carry over my coffee ban to other areas of my life. Here they are in short form:

Caffeine – less or none
Sugars – less or none
Simple carbs – less (more complex, whole grain)
Fat – less (more monounsaturated, no part-hydros)
Alcohol – none
Tobacco – none

Exercise – more/varied
Prayer/meditation – more/varied
Television – NONE! (at least until I can learn to be much, much more selective with what I’m watching)

The gist here is to be better to myself all the way around. This also includes grooming and hygiene. As I left the conference this morning, I noticed how raggedy my cuticles were and how chipped the paint on my toes was. There is no excuse for any of these things…EXCEPT…

Except that I got drunk Friday and was hung over all day Saturday and part of Sunday. Generally speaking I am a slacker and a procrastinator, but this is the biggest waste of time I’ve ever been capable of. I seriously have a problem stopping myself when I drink. So I resolve not to drink anymore – at all. I need to find some NA drinks like Virgin Mary’s or Shirley Temples or something. This drinking thing has to stop completely.

So, combine all the conditions of Friday/Saturday/Sunday with the loopy-caffeine issues of Monday, and it all leads to restricting myself from these chemicals.

It occurred to me that if I can remember that some foods are poisonous to my body, it will be a lot easier to restrict myself from consuming them.

Taking a quick look at all the priorities I have in my life right now:

Bachelor’s degree in computer programming (insurance or science bend?)
My body (lose weight, quit chemicals, eat right)
Find a companion (this will come on and fall off the list periodically due to importance of other priorities)
Set myself right financially
Set myself right spiritually/emotionally (food addiction, spending addiction, out of touch with who I am, out of touch with the world in general, out of touch with any higher power)

These are not only priorities, but large, large projects which will have smaller projects under them. They are very closely interlinked with each other. They may also change depending on how the others change or what happens by pursuing these priorities.

The Ottawa/Race car/M&M Dream I Had Last Night

The Doses of Zen